Sunday, April 17, 2016

Sunday

Reflecting after going to the gym.

Thinking about Love, http://www.limr.us ,
God http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/the-story-of-god-with-morgan-freeman/ and Commerce.

Daydreaming a little bit on how these three things connect.

Knowing that they do, just not yet able to articulate how.

Knowing that this won't be the last time I ask that question.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

From the Caffeine

From the Caffeine


I do what I do
I've did what've done

When I hear the Song of the Siren
I don't have to run

I don't, don't sink down like pirates plunder
Driven asunder

I don't endure the fate
of a thousand souls lured to early end-date
Not a grave man you will find

I float up on a conversational tip
Overhearing those Mujeres wisdom and wit

They bold and strong

Bring
    it
               all
                    day
                           long

Reminding me that a real man is heart-strong


(photo credit to http://www.karenussery.com/#!/index)

Friday, November 20, 2015

Hangman 5


I look into the future and I can feel its cold creeping towards me. I can feel reaching my skin and making me question my next move. I turn on my iPod and star running. I use my legs to kegs to knife through the drizzle and my arms pumping against the wind. 

This is my chance to do something new. This is my chance.

The hangman comes and knock on my door
The hangman, I didn't think they hanged no more

That's right. Before the Hangman knocks on my door. I've got to keep moving. Quarter mile down. I don't know if she meant what she said. "Warmth is my Achilles heel." 

Who talks like that? Cold, dark, feeling lost. That's an Achilles heel? How could she say that warmth means anything to me? I don't need warmth,  I need to catch my breath. This isn't a sprint, I've got a couple miles to go. And this new thing.

Jackbooted, tear-eyed working for the man 
Even the hangman trying to do the best he can

How could a new job mean this much to me?

It's never gonna' end you see
Government the government, got Citzen's United money

It's not the new job. It's the money. I want some much for the kids to have what Viv and I never had. They don't need scars and trials, they need opportunity. I talk about my boy so much because he's the oldest, but Cassandra has my heart. I just want... to catch my breath again. I just want to live a good life, with all the trimmings, so that they'll know they don't have to struggle. 


I got friend who gonna march downtown
Veterans and hippies, wanna fight the man

And she's right. It's the comfort that's gonna' get me. I can't slow down. I've got to keep fighting. It's about duty. The deserve a great future more than I deserve more sleep. 


The hangman hates ISIS like you and me
But the hangman he's driven by his duty

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Hangman 4


 


 

It's like no one remembers what happens to a generation at war. This one will be different, the pallor of death, 
fueled by oil money, and cover by SnapChat.

The hangman comes and knock on my door
The hangman, I didn't think they hanged no more

Because all of time has become run together, because FacceBook let's us celebrate five minutes ago, we get this
weird war that almost no one is paying attention to. If I didn't have friends there, would I care that it went from
drone strikes to ground troups in under a month? Would I be some slacked-jaw yahoo waiting for the
commercials to start between news clips?

Jackbooted, tear-eyed working for the man 
Even the hangman trying to do the best he can

Five minutes ago I was in paradise. Carter's paradise. Which means there is no work in front of me that I need to do
today, I have no work behind me that I worry about. And then my dad shows up.

This is great reminder I'm in a dream, because my dad died before i left for Iraq. But now I want to hear what he
has to say. Whether he has a message from the  great beyond. He Turns to set on bench, in this dream world I sit
next to him as a peer. Definitely a dream.

He murmurs lowly, "What are you listening to?"

It's never gonna' end you see
Government the government, got Citzen's United money

My dad tried tried to  tell me once that he wasn't in Viet Nam. That he spent hell in Laos. But I could never quite
understand what he meant. There was some tone that didn't registered and another tone that made me not want to
ask.


I got friend who gonna march downtown
Veterans and hippies, wanna fight the man

Maybe it's because of collapsed time. The present and the future shouldn't be so close.  And the past is
just a memory away. It's like  I can say her name and she would be right here by my side. 


The hangman hates ISIS like you and me
But the hangman he's driven by his duty





The hangman comes and knock on my door
The hangman, I didn't think they hanged no more



Jackbooted, tear-eyed working for the man 
Even the hangman trying to do the best he can



It's never gonna' end you see
Government the government, got Citzen's United money



I got friend who gonna march downtown
Veterans and hippies, wanna fight the man



The hangman hates ISIS like you and me
But the hangman he's driven by his duty


Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Hangman 3


"You seem a little twitchy." 

"You seem to be hovering over my fucking desk." 

Mike takes a step back, smiles. "I could hear the song you're playing in the other room, Just trying to see who the band is, and like I said you seem twitchy."

Mike is the only one left who can talk to me like that, I shouldn't be annoyed. But space is space. Don't try to collapse my bubble, you know what I mean?

The hangman comes and knock on my door
The hangman, I didn't think they hanged no more

"It's called, Hangman, it's by Rat City Bastards. My son's learning to play it on the guitar, I download it on itunes."

'How's emo-boy doing?"

"It's not a phase, but what the hell do I know. He playing a pretty kick-ass song, he's got a full load honor course and college prep-shit. If my dad was alive he would call my son a pussy, But dad also thought computers were a fad." 

"Carter, my man we are getting old." 

Jackbooted, tear-eyed working for the man 
Even the hangman trying to do the best he can

And just like that, something about made me flash back to boot camp and that Drill Sergeant yelling, "You piece shit with two last names, you run faster or I will this platoon into the ground." 

"Carter, you thinking about Drill Sergeant Quick?" 

I nod. 

"Can you imagine if he could see us now?"

It's never gonna' end you see
Government the government, got Citzen's United money

Two tours in Iraq, one in Afghanistan, and then sheep-dipped to do some work in Eygpt. I've know Mike that long. And then this last assignment. Super-weird shit. 

Everyone on the floor is a civilian as far as I can tell. I'm a mid-level product manager for IBM, so's Mike. We have team that report to us, we go to meetings, we do our jobs, but this was suppose to be cover training. Here for a three, maybe four months to learn the talk, to get the flavor and then off to an under cover assignment for the Company. 

It's been a year and I kinda' like my job, and the messages from Control say, "steady as she goes." 



I got friend who gonna march downtown
Veterans and hippies, wanna fight the man

I think Mike stands out more them me. He looks like a recruiting poster for the US Army. Fit, blonde haired and blued, American. I look like me. I look like an average, African-American, corporate stooge. We have those right?

"It weird to me." Mike nods.

I nod back. There's nothing to say. It's odd.

The hangman hates ISIS like you and me
But the hangman he's driven by his duty

When we got here Mike almost below his cover my snatching a nerf dart out of the air and flinging it back in some guy's eye. He bought everyone pizza and HR made him go to some Sensitive Training. The dart flinging might've been fine. But the string of explicative  he used would've made Sergeant Quick blush and he was a pretty nasty SOB

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Hangman 2


"Love this song."

The hangman comes and knock on my door
The hangman, I didn't think they hanged no more

She walked to kitchen and shouted back over shoulder, "Why do you love this song?" I waited for her to return. I'm not much of a shouter. "Why do I love this song? My son is teaching himself how to play it on the guitar." She sits down next to me. Maybe too close. Where is my wife? How long does it take to make salsa?

I do my best but it's hard for me to make small talk. Viv knows this, so during Book Club I hide in the garage, but Susan's early, so now I make with the small talk. "Yeah, will they play this on the radio a bunch. I don't listen to the radio, but because he's learning it I fired up Spotify to see what other songs are like it." 

Susan leans in and put a hand on my chest briefly and withdraws laughing. "You're so cute. What a good dad." 

Jackbooted, tear-eyed working for the man 
Even the hangman trying to do the best he can

"I do the best I can."
"You and VIv, where did you meet?" This time its a hand on my knee. Are we on a sit-com? Does this happen in real life?

"We met outside of Cairo. She working with Doctors Without Borders. i was on a government contact. I was almost love as first sight. I annoyed her and she thought I was some kind dumb American, bumming my way around Egypt."

She put down her drink. I didn't think it was possible, but she slid closer.

It's never gonna' end you see
Government the government, got Citzen's United money

"When did you know that you loved her? I can smell perfume. What is that  floral-citrus-soapy?

 I lean and whisper in her ear. Close enough  so she can feel my breath on her neck. "I was coming back from what I like to call the office, y'know leaving work, but there was an incident. And since I was on a contact, not even really supposed to be there, I had no where to turn. 

I found my way to the apartment above the bar, where Viv was living." To make sure I have Susan attention, I take her hand off my knee and place it on my abdomen. I continue, " I didn't really find my way, I crawled my way up to her apartment and passed out on her balcony for a while." I press her hand firmly against me.

"This where she started digging to get the bullet out, this is where she pressed to stop the bleeding." 

Susan tries to pull here hand away, but I've got her wrist locked.

I got friend who gonna march downtown
Veterans and hippies, wanna fight the man

"This where Viv poured the high grain alcohol she bought on the Black Market, now that's a story. And this is where she started to sew me up. With the benefit of giving any of the illegal booze." 

Susan yanked her hand away and leapt to her feet. I could tell, she was done hearing the story, but had to say more."

"Viv was about five minutes away from trying to do a transfusion from me to her, while I sagged against her balcony wall.."

Susan spun and left.

Viv popped out to the patio, while I drank Susan's white wine.

"Susan just lit out of here with some excuse about the kids and a text from the sitter. " 

I nodded.

"What we're you to talking about, out here?" 

"I was about tell her how we went to that Black Lips concert near Cairo.."

"Did you tell her about your work in Cairo?" 

"No one wants to hear about my old day job, Viv. Maybe she's just not a music fan?"

The hangman hates ISIS like you and me
But the hangman he's driven by his duty